The Tory Party

Worst Years in Music: 1991

I was gonna be mad that this guy hotlinked my Chris Isaak image, because I still treat server space like it’s 1998. But then it turned out to be a pretty funny post:

70. Cry For Help, Rick Astley

In the year or two since I started writing these accursed things, Rick Astley has taken on a shiny new cultural significance. In my “1988: WYIM” post, I contrasted his diminutive, geeky British frame with his deep, soul-infused pipes, and mentioned how totally 1988 the song was, especially – apparently – in the UK. And, being me, I had to go and drag Doctor Who into it.

Then someone – someone very weird – invented “Rickrolling,” the process wherein an unsuspecting internet user is duped into clicking a link that will cause a video of Rick singing “Never Gonna Give You Up” to appear on their screen. For instance, someone sends you a link that promises undeniable proof that a certain celebrity has been caught in an illegal and unsanitary position, and you click it, because who are you to pass up a tasty morsel of Perez Hilton-age nonsense, and lo and behold, Rick is telling you that he’s never going to give you up.

Rickrolling: the whoopee cushion of the new millennium.

69. Love Takes Time, Mariah Carey

So does listening to the lesser hits of Mariah Carey. Therefore: no.

68. Show Me The Way, Styx

Saying “Styx was still around in 1991,” is a little bit like saying “You can stand an egg on its end if you’re standing on the equator during the spring equinox.” It sounds patently ridiculous, and yet there’s some evidence it may be true. I know we sang this song in chorus my senior year (1997!) and that our choir director introduced the song at our spring concert as “a song the kids are listening to these days with a positive message.” As most of us hadn’t heard the thing before Mr. B plunked out the Soprano II part on the old Bosendorfer, this seemed real strange.

But, dude, we sang a Styx song in high school chorus. Thanks, Mr. B.

I had not only the album where Rick Astley had long hair, but also Michael Bolton’s “Time, Love and Tenderness.”. And I thoroughly enjoyed both, dammit. Enjoying Michael Bolton is akin to mixing popcorn and peanut M&Ms at the movies — a guilty pleasure to be sure, but I hear Michelle Pfeiffer does it.

Go on. It’s okay.

Yeah, it’s all early 90s because of the modulation and abuse of chorus-repeating and Um Jammer Lammy gospel choir. But dude. If you changed the drum production, gave M.B. anime hair and added a cameo by Timbaland, this song would totally fly on the radio today.

Anyway. The whole post, not as Bolton-fascinated:

Link