The Tory Party

Make-Out Mix Gone Wrong

Hypothetically.

Say you have an iTunes mix of romantic music.

And commence an evening of auditory and make-out-itory enjoyment with Chris Isaak’s “Wicked Game.”

Sexy

You dim the lights. You get snugglesome.

A sampling of the music you might expect next:

• Ani DiFranco - “Hypnotized”
• Control Freq - “Sweetest Day”
• Imogen Heap - “Candlelight”
• Kate Bush - “Song of Solomon”
• KT Tunstall - “Silent Sea”
• Portishead - “It’s a Fire”
• Sufjan Stevens - “The Avalanche”
• Thom Yorke - “Harrowdown Hill”
• The Weepies - “Take It From Me”
• And a whole lot of Death Cab

Just look at that list. You would make out with the list itself.

But you must have you must have recently dragged-and-dropped your workout mix in error.

Because five minutes later the song gives way to Janet Jackson’s “Nasty Boys.”

Not sexy

What would you do?

Would you immediately cease making out to run across the room to kill the music?

Or would you continue, in the hope the next track was something more mood-appropriate?

BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT I DID.

Do not do what I did.

Because the practical volume level of a pop song is much greater than that of a midtempo ballad. And what was utterly suitable for gentle Chris Isaak is now housemate-disturblingly loud.

And about three minutes in bad goes to worse as Janet Jackson starts shouting “WHO’S THAT DRIVIN’ THAT NAS-TAH CAR?”

I only bring this up because, as I clean up my iTunes mix of romantic music, I find myself filled with giggles of horror at the songs that COULD have suddenly started blasting through the room, instead of Miss Jackson if you’re nasty:

• Milli Vanilli - “Girl You Know It’s True”
• Motley Crue - “Same Old Situation”
• Naughty By Nature - “Hip Hop Hooray”
• Mylo (feat. Freeform Five) - “Muscle Car”
• Onyx - “Slam”
• Positive K - “I Got a Man”
• Rancid - “Ruby Soho”
• REM - “Shiny Happy People”
• Snap! - “Power”
• Techonotronic - “Get Up”
• TLC - “What About Your Friends?”

They say you’re only as sick as your secrets. Apparently my secret is 1991.