The Tory Party

Things you might have seen already

But they made me laugh out loud:

• Shank Bone Mystic writes an ode to the guy who stole his bicycle tires, set to neighborhood security video thereof.

• 

  Accidental Google Maps search yields somewhat smartass results.

Petey Puma, 29 Cent Friend

I was working produce at ALDI and saw a very bent cucumber. Who’s gonna use this poor guy? Can’t peel ‘em, can’t slice ‘em.

We carry Sharpies for making signs, and something in me told me I had to had to had to draw a face on this guy.

Left him in the cukes a while, but he kept looking at me. So I put him in my pocket. Harassed the cashiers with him.

And eventually bought him and took him home.

I can’t be gettin’ fired for cucumber faces. Too hard to explain in job interviews.

Anybody Need a Puppy?

[From Anne]

Some miserable son of a bitch abandoned 10 puppies on my dad’s driveway on Sunday a.m. They are about 6-7 weeks old. Some seem to be beagle mixes, some shepherd (?) mixes, and 2 that sort of look like blonde labs. They of course were covered in fleas, but that has been remedied. My stepmom picked up shots & wormer today, and they NEED HOMES! Please, PLEASE ask around or take one yourself. Needless to say, they are adorable. They are PUPPIES.

You can contact me, at (336) 689-3545 or
Her cell # (336) 689-0599, and home # (336) 787-3155.

DOA Movie Anticipation

Jaime Pressly as, like, the really lean version of Tina that does the music video

Is it OK if I kinda want to see it? Is there something wrong with me?

DOA: XBV remains the only X-Box game I ever owned. And I’ve played it wa-a-a-ay too much, and that’s one “a” for every character who’s birthstone I can remember off the top of my head right now just sitting here OK I just freaked myself out.

Maybe it’s just cos this game was the first and only place I’ve ever been good at volleyball.

I would totally be that weirdo in the audience who is all like, Christie would never be that friendly with Tina OMG otaku!!one!

Anyone else feel my Mortal Kombat masochism?

Dead or Alive: XTreme Beach Volleyball

Cut off in Development: Games Too Bad to Release

Knocked Up - A Second Opinion

1. As a married person, I resent the fact that Debbie’s big problem with her husband, which was treated as totally legitimate, was that he wanted some time to himself. I mean, lying about it, sure, that’s shitty, because as she said she also would like time to herself, but the fact that he couldn’t tell her about the fantasy baseball league because she’d yell at him? That is what we call controlling. Also, as a corollary to that one, Alison throws Ben out of the car because he won’t agree that this was douche-y of Pete. Retarded.

2. If my significant other called me a fucking bitch? When I was pregnant? In front of an office full of people? Not so much. That is not one of those times where the next time you see each other you smile sheepishly and say I didn’t mean it, no *I* didn’t mean it, I’m sorry, no *I’m* sorry. That is a time when you hire a lawyer.

3. I am not big on drugs. I do not take drugs, I am not interested in people who take drugs, I do not find it entertaining to watch people take drugs. A solid 70% of this movie involved people doing drugs, doing things as a result of drugs, or talking about drugs. Seriously, if you’re going to make a stoner movie, don’t make the central story about a pregnant woman.

4. Why the hell was Debbie’s big character arc about trying to get into a damn club? She is forty! She has two children! Surely there is something more interesting about her as a person than her sadness about getting older! And if she is taking that kind of time for herself, why is she whining about her husband taking time for himself? For fuck’s sake! [See #1.]

5. The nutso doctor in the birthing room did not add any funny. All he did was distract. Yes, I get that he is a tool for Ben to show he is committed and has changed, but did he have to be such a profound dick? He couldn’t have just said it’s too late for meds, we’re going to have to do it this way? He had to have personal psychological problems? What the hell was the point of that? What doctor who specialized in women giving birth would act that way? The whole time he was involved I kept thinking wow, what a poorly written character this guy is. My guess is that is not what they were going for.

Generally I just felt like the characters were inconsistent and all over the place. As much as this movie was supposed to be about a pregnant woman, the women in it were painfully undeveloped and unrealistic. Which is sad, considering Debbie was played by Apatow’s wife. You’d think she’d have given some input. Also, [Mr. Sara] was DYING for her to holler “FRAINCH TOAST” at some point and she did not.