The Tory Party

Random Thoughts - Stir-Crazy Edition

• “Bigger and Blacker” is nowhere near as good as “Bring the Pain.” It’s like going from Sixth Sense to Signs — not bad or anything, but damn.
• You know what’s a weird song? “Oh Father” — you know, Madonna. It’s like October Project if Mary Fahl got drunk and played Cosette. Madonna sings in this unsteady low register — and the “sinned” in “oh father I have sinned” is legitimately flat — and then there’s this Amityville childlike chorus, but it works, hand on a Bible it works. I can’t believe this is the same album as “Express Yourself.”

  “Oh Father” was on the first karaoke machine I ever saw — Okinawa, 1987 — with what I think was a fake, made-for-karaoke video of a little girl hiding in a field, and I remember singing it on the way home from something, cos it’s catchy for a song about child abuse, and it made my dad rilly uncomfortable. How “Oh Father” gets to be wacky karaoke singalong I`m not sure. But I made a singalong mix and it’s on it, and I still sing to it, and I am full of shame. But not child abuse.

  And while I`m at it, “Bury My Lovely” almost always gives me chills. Wonder at what point in the songwriting process does the lyricist go, “Aw, damn. You know what this song’s about? Child abuse. I was all gonna write it about that dude that dumped me, but no way. This is gonna be some kickass Janie’s Got a Gun shit. Play that prechorus again.”

• When no one’s looking, I let my house get hella dirty. I gotta be doing some serious cleanup on Friday or my housemate will find out I`m only Type A when I`m bossing him around. No good!
• I was messing with my other housemate’s German Shepherd — looking at her toenails to see if I needed to cut them, and how much I could cut off if I did, and German girl was not loving it. She tried to get off the couch, so I sort of leaned on her to keep her in place, and SHE MADE THE WORST FACE AT ME. No growling, no hateful stare, but she pulled back her upper lip and I was all like NO YOU DIDN`T. I couldn’t be mad at her, because, again, no growling or anything, but when a German Shepherd gives you stinkface it does take you back a pace.
• I can’t believe it’s over a month til school starts. Who started this whole frippin` summer break thing, anyway? I ain’t a farmer! Though at ALDI I touch more bananas than Speedo. Owowowow!

That is all.