The Tory Party

On Vacation, Bush Talks Texas in Idaho

Bush talks in circles to avoid making a good decision or meeting with a middle-aged mother

President Bush is a foaming idiot. A gibbering, unintelligible, flightsuit-monkey, war-mongering, lying stealing oily ignorant bloodthirsty socially-dysfunctional idiot. I don’t even know where to begin. I have to keep my scope very narrow when I talk about Bush, because he emits so much stupid per second that pointing it all out in even a single press conference would take me all week.

It’s true. I am a smug, soulless bastard.

“The Sunnis have got to make a choice,” Bush said. “Do they want to live in a society that’s free? Or do they want to live in violence?”

Ah, yes. Because desert-dwelling Muslims represent a culture that prizes freedom above all other virtues — more than faith, unity and sense of righteousness — and you can totally appeal to them on that level. “Ooh, freedom! Because the mortal realm isn’t transitory and irrelevant! And freedom totally means something under dominion of thugs, thieves and warlords! Especially when they were put there by white people!”

Did you say `freedom`? Oh, then nevermind.

Also, what longstanding religious and territorial disagreement can prevail when you dangle the English word “freedom” in people’s faces? This is why Israel and Palestine are Best Friends Forever.

But I guess if you spend all your time talking about dragging the backward heathen Middle East into the perfect light of the Western world, and by “Western” you mean “with your very own fixed elections, two-car families and credit card debt,” eventually you start swallowing your own line of poo.

I haven’t smiled since this asshole took office

[Bush] said he thought that most mothers, regardless of their religion, would prefer to live in peace rather than violence.

Oh my crapping crap. The thing about this little press conference is that it hopelessly confuses what Bush has to say about 1) how, according to his statistically significant survey sample, Americans want to stay the course in Iraq, and 2) how we really are going to achieve goals of peace and reconstruction in Iraq.

The quote above seems to refer to the great sway and influence of all those moms in Iraq. So an Iraqi mom is supposed to be able to dissuade her desperate, hungry, angry, empowered-by-God child not to become a suicide bomber, yet an American mom can’t even get a meeting with a comfy, full-bellied, complacent, empowered-by-God jackass who’s ostensibly her public servant. Asshole.

Nothing scares Bush more than an informed opinion

So, to rephrase, Bush thinks Americans really want war, but Iraqis really want peace.

This is despite the fact that support for Bush is lower than it’s ever been, support for the war has taken a nosedive, and the insurgency is NOT in its last throes. Osama Bin Laden attracted support for the 9/11 attacks by claiming our troops occupy holy Saudi soil, and yet Bush thinks the whole Middle East is going to be role-modeled into tripartite capitalist Republics by putting 130,000 more Americans — trying their goddamndest to unscrew Bush’s mess though they might be — IN BABYLON?

We love white people telling us what to do!

Remember that time Bush had us invade Baghdad, but he didn’t have any plan for, you know, looters? So priceless Mesopotamian artifacts have been lost, perhaps forever? This is because Bush is an ASSHOLE. When you think of Bush, and whether he has good plans for healthcare, Social Security, and energy policy, remember he’s the kind of guy who doesn’t expect an invasion to result in looting. And we wonder why our troops don’t have the equipment they need. “Tanks need armor? Aw, dang! Why didn’t I make a list?”

Sidebar: Be assured I love my troops. I can’t even talk about it. And I`m not generally anti-war — like my dad says, “What do you want `em to do? Stay home and shine their boots?” There are a lot of places in the world where 130,000 troops can liberate the living crap out of people who really need it (Darfur? North Korea? Not that we want to piss off China.) And there are a lot of places where hundreds of billions of dollars could change EVERYTHING (tsunami damage in Indonesia, famine in Nigeria, AIDS all over.) Hell, if we had all 130,000 of these tougher-and-braver-than-me em-effers in just Afghanistan, we`d be in a hell of a lot better position. But Bush has picked one of the worst and most bizarre places to invade, in terms of both pursuing an achievable goal and making us safer as a country.

Marines are not peacekeepers! Trying to make the military into police is like trying to make a bull into a seeing-eye dog: if you try it, you are STUPID.

Note to self

As for the families Bush says he’s talking to that have lost children and spouses to this war and want it to continue, what’s the alternative? That they accept their loved ones have died for a bad cause — or a lost one? They’re entitled to feel any way they want — I can’t imagine what they’ve been through, and it would be the most ignorant kind of cruelty to tell them what to believe.

But 1) I don’t trust Bush to be an accurate reporter of their sentiments, 2) I don’t believe he’s seeing a representative sample of military families (this is the same asshole that can’t be bothered to attend a funeral), and 3) I don’t believe that their beliefs, however deeply felt, are alone sufficient reason to stay in Iraq.

As Senator Chuck Hagel said, “`Stay the course` is not a policy.” You can’t ask more people to die just because many have died already. You don’t throw good money after bad; you don’t gamble away $10,000 in pursuit of $1,000 you already lost. And that’s MONEY. What we have in Iraq are HUMAN BEINGS.

I should also point out that also in Iraq are IRAQI HUMAN BEINGS, which, you may note, insurgents are killing even more frequently than they’re killing Americans. Obviously Iraqis are not using the word “freedom” enough.

It’s like if your neighbor was attacked by his Rottweiler, and your solution was to send in five more Rottweilers. Maybe they take out the first Rottweiler, but they breed new ones. It’s bad for the dogs and even worse for your neighbor. And probably after a while your neighbor dreams of the days when all he had was one Rottweiler.

That was a terrible metaphor. Maybe I should stay away from the political rants a while and play with my dog instead.