The Tory Party

Jane Fonda (TWIH) To Tour

So Jane Fonda’s going to tour the country to call for an end to the war in Iraq.

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If I could bring meself to put up a picture of Jane Fonda, it would go here.

Now I`m gonna show you how my politics don’t go all the way to the left.

My dad refers to her only as “that woman I hate.” Now, he’s a pretty reasonable man, but he takes a hard line on certain issues, and this is one of them. And I think if you fight in a war you earn the right to hate someone who poses for photos with the people you were fighting.

Growing up, there was no TWIH allowed in the house — not even Cat Ballou, where you`d think Lee Marvin would counteract the treason cooties, but no. We were watching Singles one night, and my dad said, “Who’s in this?”
Matt Dillon, Bridget Fonda…
“Is she related to that woman I hate?”
Not directleeeee…

Not TWIH
(Is this why Kyra Sedgwick has a series and I don’t?)

As for me, I watched Barbarella without ralphing, but I tend to make a sneery face when I see or read about her. She’s apologized for hurting veterans and their families, and I guess that’s all you can do, I dunno, seems if you were rich and famous and really serious about making up for past mistakes you could do some penitence with the VA, tho` they might not want you around…

But now she wants to do a tour? Who the crap does she think she`d be helping?

The pinkos that would respond to a TWIH cross-country tour in a vegetable oil bus (get to that in a second) are already against the war. In software terms:

public class TwihTourReaction extends TourReaction {

private static final String PINKO_ACTION = “See french-fry smelling TWIH”;
private static final String CON_ACTION = “Picket french-fry smelling TWIH”;
private static final String MIDDLE_ACTION = “Cringe, instinctively question position on war”;

//Enter levels of support as int from 1-100

public static void main (int supportWar, int supportTroops) {

   boolean supportsWar = supportWar > WAR_SUPPORT_THRESHHOLD;
   boolean supportsTroops = supportTroop > TROOP_SUPPORT_THRESHHOLD;

   if ( ! supportsWar && ! supportsTroops)
       return PINKO_ACTION;

   if ( supportsWar && supportsTroops)
       return CON_ACTION;

   if ( ! supportsWar && supportsTroops)
       return MIDDLE_ACTION;
   else {
          throw InvalidPoliticsException;
          return null;
   }
}
}

I was willing to give Jane Fonda the benefit of the doubt, but this new tour plan indicates she has *no idea* what she’s done or what mainstream opinion is of her, especially in proximity to saying the word “war.” Embarrassing!

But there’s some consolation in this article — she’s traveling in a corn oil bus. Heh heh heh. This means the likelihood is extremely high that it will break down ten minutes away from an engagement, and the Green Party support staff won’t know how to fix it, and no mechanic in the tri-county area will touch it, and the unshaven, crocheted-hat, slope-shouldered Green tweens will be too busy shaming each other for drinking Coke-owned Dasani to do anything to help, and everyone will scream in frustration and go home.

I got some Green Party bitterness. I hope you understand.

He doesn’t love you! He’s just USING YOU!