The Tory Party

From My Sister in Chicago

This is from an email my sister sent to her residency homies. She’s been working in the OB/GYN clinic at Northwestern, for which she learned Spanish kung-fu style in like six months. I got her permission to share this with y`all. Enjoy the medical shenanigans!

What I’ve Learned In One Month in Chicago:

• 1) ALWAYS go to the front of the line for a cab
• 2) if you ask for a vacuum at northwestern you`ll be handed forceps
  • a) corollary to #2 - if you ask again for a vacuum they`ll ask, “are you sure?”
  • b) corollary to #2a - if you actually get your hands on a vacuum you`ll have 1 resident doing the vacuum & 3 watching because they’ve never seen one…
  • c) corollary to #2 - after you vacuum yourself into a big dystocia there’s no one coming to help…

• 3) “tirar” is slang for “to [f*ck]” - use jalar instead (also learned in front of the 4 residents)
• 4) in Chicago instead of posters for “Park & Ride” in the buses there are ads for HIV medicines
• 5) at northwestern the residents stand on the patient’s left for c-sections (the wet side - hee hee!)
• 6) on “the magnificent mile” at night not only will you pass men sleeping on the street but women with their young children too…
  • a)corollary to #6 - i have yet to make it home with any money - or without sniffling…

• 7) Boystown is not where you take your sister to find a date…
• totally ridiculous words like “fob” have entered my daily conversation
  • a) corollary to #8 - at northwestern to log into their “cis” system you need your user id, password, and the number currently displayed on your “fob” which changes every 60 seconds! [I`m really glad I never had to program anything like this -T]

• 9) my cat IS smart enough to not jump off the 43rd floor balcony… now only if he can be toilet trained…
• 10) speaking another language 8 hours a day is far more exhausting than any of my clinic work - i have NEVER been so happy to see a skinny white girl sitting in my exam room

i don’t know if i`m smart enough or young enough to continue learning at this rate…

con abrazos y besos

[My Seestor]