The Tory Party

Scale of Irishness

The Scale of Irishness
Least		Most
		Zaaaaambeh, zaaaambeh, ZaaaaambeYUH beYUH beYUH Politics made catchy = optimal Irishness Plus they are from Limerick.
		Points lost for Zooropa.
		Once a Pope-ripper, Always a Pope-ripper. No Irishness for you.
		Double points for looking kind of like Colonel Gahan.
		Stealth poncho and midichloreans mean Irishness score suffers.
		Old school Irishness in the house. Parent Trap role only drawback.
		Perfect Irishness is when you can have fleas and laugh about it. `Tis.

How to pick up chicks

How to Pick Up Chicks - for real
1) Refrain from acknowledging how hot another female is, even when asked. Instead, complain that, despite her good looks, she lacks a certain inner something that you require: A: Wow, that Jennifer Love Hewitt is really hot. B: Ah, she’s pretty enough, but she’s got no personality in her face. This is good practice regardless of whom you are speaking to. All females within earshot will parse this. In addition, avoid speaking ill of anyone’s appearance. It is best to act as if such judgments are beneath you. 2) There are two kinds of funny you can be around a female: wacky funny and mean funny. Mean: Man, that looks like Alan Rickman with Sailor Moon in a headlock. Wacky: Buk, Buk, BACKAWWW! Mean funny gets more chicks, but wacky funny gets better chicks. Sad but true. 3) Facial hair = 60% fewer chicks		“She’s OK, but she’s got no life in her eyes.”

Too much Seth Green information

Too Much Seth Green Information
Played Egg in 1984’s The Hotel New Hampshire Was suggested by the producers of Mallrats to replace Jason Mewes as Jay. Had a part in a deleted scene in the Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie. Appeared in Big Business (1988), Can’t Buy Me Love (1987), Pump Up the Volume (1990), Enemy of the State (1998) Why y`all gotta waste my flava?		My Stepmother is an Alien but My Orthodontist is a Sadist

Doublespeak Primer

Bush: It’s an unimaginably honor for me to meet you, Senator Clinton.

Clinton: I feel the same way.

Bush: We have to bring two people sides together, not apart.

Clinton: I would very much enjoy taking this opportunity to bury a hatchet.

Bush: Now that you’ve met me, don’t you thinking I`m capable?

Clinton: No one would be more qualified to be president than you.

Bush: Well, it was a real pleasant meeting you.

Clinton: I`m glad you think so. You have certainly made a lasting impression.

Jay and Silent Bob

Dear Movies,

It has been a tough summer. I’ve managed to avoid full-on badness and had a pretty good time at the ones I did go to, and with only two weekends between now and Labor Day, I have almost made it safely to the other side without landing in front of a real stinker. I am grateful for “Shrek” and “The Others”, and I knew better than to try any free-range Jolie. I have been diligent and true, and in return I ask for the following of “Jay and Silent Bob.”

- Please let Ben Affleck apologize for his accent in “Pearl Harbor”.
- Please don’t be violent. I can’t concentrate when somebody is machine-gunning the wings off somebody else.
- Please be more funny than serious.
- Please have lots of Dushku. You know, for kids.
- Please let Chris Rock have the last word.