How to pick up chicks

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How to Pick Up Chicks – for real
1) Refrain from acknowledging how hot another female is, even when asked. Instead, complain that, despite her good looks, she lacks a certain inner something that you require:

A: Wow, that Jennifer Love Hewitt is really hot.
B: Ah, she’s pretty enough, but she’s got no personality in her face.

This is good practice regardless of whom you are speaking to. All females within earshot will parse this. In addition, avoid speaking ill of anyone’s appearance. It is best to act as if such judgments are beneath you.

2) There are two kinds of funny you can be around a female: wacky funny and mean funny.

Mean: Man, that looks like Alan Rickman with Sailor Moon in a headlock.
Wacky: Buk, Buk, BACKAWWW!

Mean funny gets more chicks, but wacky funny gets better chicks. Sad but true.

3) Facial hair = 60% fewer chicks

shannonelizabeth How to pick up chicks

“She’s OK, but she’s got no life in her eyes.”
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Too much Seth Green information

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Too Much Seth Green Information
Played Egg in 1984′s The Hotel New Hampshire

Was suggested by the producers of Mallrats to replace Jason Mewes as Jay.

Had a part in a deleted scene in the Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie.

Appeared in Big Business (1988), Can’t Buy Me Love (1987), Pump Up the Volume (1990), Enemy of the State (1998)

Why y`all gotta waste my flava?

sethgreen Too much Seth Green information

My Stepmother is an Alien
but My Orthodontist is a Sadist
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Doublespeak Primer

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Bush: It’s an unimaginably honor for me to meet you, Senator Clinton.

Clinton: I feel the same way.

Bush: We have to bring two people sides together, not apart.

Clinton: I would very much enjoy taking this opportunity to bury a hatchet.

Bush: Now that you’ve met me, don’t you thinking I`m capable?

Clinton: No one would be more qualified to be president than you.

Bush: Well, it was a real pleasant meeting you.

Clinton: I`m glad you think so. You have certainly made a lasting impression.

bushhillsm Doublespeak Primer

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Jay and Silent Bob

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jayandsilentbob Jay and Silent Bob

Dear Movies,

It has been a tough summer. I’ve managed to avoid full-on badness and had a pretty good time at the ones I did go to, and with only two weekends between now and Labor Day, I have almost made it safely to the other side without landing in front of a real stinker. I am grateful for “Shrek” and “The Others”, and I knew better than to try any free-range Jolie. I have been diligent and true, and in return I ask for the following of “Jay and Silent Bob.”

- Please let Ben Affleck apologize for his accent in “Pearl Harbor”.
- Please don’t be violent. I can’t concentrate when somebody is machine-gunning the wings off somebody else.
- Please be more funny than serious.
- Please have lots of Dushku. You know, for kids.
- Please let Chris Rock have the last word.

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Rat Race

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ratrace Rat Race

Did you know he could make this face?
I didn’t know he could make this face.

Stuff I liked about “Rat Race”

- Amy Smart going insane.
- No towel-wrestling with the dog over the heart.
- Seth Green doesn’t drop the keys in the lake once he gets them back.
- Illegal #2 only implied.
- The Lucys are mostly female.
- I didn’t know Gloria Allred is a real lawyer. It’s funnier if you don’t.
- Low-key betting millionaires gags.
- At the beginning, only one person reads aloud the message on the prize token.
- Mr. Bean falls asleep on his feet, rather than falling over.
- Payoff of the dark lipstick on the steering wheel. Wait for it…
- Expected it to be really, really bad.

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