Meddling Auntie presents Fashion

It’s natural for teenagers to take charge of the way they dress. Does a parent get a say? Why does it matter? This comic can help start the conversation.

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8 Comments

You are brilliant beyond words!! (sniff, sniff)

This has unexpectedly left me feeling a lot better about the decisions I’ve made, and I am far outside your target audience. Thank you. Thank you.

Hmm, I always like your comics, and this one is good too. But at the same time I feel like it might be somewhat confusing.

I think I’m having trouble with you using the word ‘Sexy’ for this problem. There isn’t anything wrong with dressing sexy, and you can do it for yourself. Being or feeling sexy can mean a sense of satisfaction or confidence in ones own body. Many girls are afraid to dress sexy because they lack confidence that they would look good doing so. Of course girls can also dress in ways they think are overly sexy and wear revealing clothes because they feel like that’s the only way they can be ‘sexy’.

I’m not at all saying young girls should walk around wearing almost nothing. I guess it’s a kind of distinction between Sexy and Slutty, which can be very close to each other. I’d argue that Sexy is about yourself and Slutty is about other people/attention. After all you can dress Sexy and show very little skin. I would encourage girls to be or feel sexy. Empowered and having the right to look and feel good while still being a strong and powerful woman, but I would want them to understand the difference between ‘Sexy’ and dressing just for others’ attention or disruption.

It’s a fairly complicated topic that has to do a lot with self image, so that just my 2 cents

Tory, when you dress, do _you_ do it for someone else?

I think the latest post (Nov 22,2011) on nolongerquivering.com (“How Modesty Made Me Fat”) is a well-written counterpoint to your comic. No shame! Power to the girls!

“It would mean they didn’t think you were worth more than the reaction you could get.”

I hope your audience never becomes diverse enough that anyone from a permissive family reads that. Imagine their outrage & heartbreak. Even worse if their parents actually don’t care.

freethoughtmom, thank you for sharing that. I don’t think it’s really a counterpoint, however. I think it’s the same point, from the other extreme. The kind of modest dressing talked about there is just another face of the same issue overtly-sexual dressing is: it tells girls their choices (in apparel, in movement, etc.) are to be based on what others (particularly, men) may think or how they may react. In one it’s to avoid arousing them, and in the other it’s TO arouse them, but it’s the same underlying issue.

It’s a really complicated topic, partly because it’s difficult to untwine one’s own honest preferences from all the messages we get from outside all our lives. But there’s a very wide middle ground between obsessively covering everything from neck to ankles and the kind of thing most western parents might think was too overtly sexual for their teenage daughter to go out in.

Thank you for all the feedback. It’s made me sit and think about what I really mean when I say “dressing sexy is definitively for someone else.” Do I really believe that to be true? I do. I keep thinking about it, but I still do.

The followup question is, if it’s NOT true, and if you don’t buy into the old bugaboos of sexy dressing (“You’ll attract the wrong element!” “People will look down on you!” “You’ll get a yeast infection!”), which I DO NOT, then what’s the problem with a kid dressing sexy at all? Trying to answer this question is what brought me to the above solution in the first place.

I hope to address these questions in a longer, more thoughtful post, but I need to put more thought to it first.

To me, “slutty” is a more loaded word than “sexy,” because it implies the look makes the behavior and/or vice versa, AND makes a judgment about the morality of sex. I chose the word “sexy” because that to me is a line where you stop dressing for yourself (flatteringly, becomingly, presenting yourself to your best advantage) and start dressing for others.

The same is true when a kid wants a certain backpack just because everyone else seems to like them. In the case of dressing sexy, though, the conversations between parents and kid gets more heated because there’s more at stake. Parents really ARE freaked out that their kid’s sexuality is on the horizon. Kids see that and really DO resent it. Suddenly good parental judgment looks like cruel oppression. Fingers point, arguments repeat, no one wins. That’s what this comic is designed to help.

I also appreciate your thoughts and experience, Eva Lynn. You are spot on.

The Tory Party

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Meddling Auntie presents Fashion